Chuck Norris Jokes

Last summer I spent a week with the youth group at CCSO and my friend/Youth Pastor Phil Santillan. A group of the kids started telling all these Chuck Norris jokes. At first, it was dumb. After the 20th one, they starting getting funnier. Today I was listening to ESPN Radio and they starting telling a few. Here is some that I found. My favorite is in red

• Chuck Norris only skydived once because the world only needs one Grand Canyon.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't dive into the ocean, the ocean dives into Chuck Norris.


• Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.


• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.


• Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.


• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


• Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.


• If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.


• Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.


• Chuck Norris invented water.


• Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.


• Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.


• When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.


• Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.


• Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.


• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


• There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.


• Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.


• It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop


• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.


• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.


• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Tell me when your done cracking up...next week.